The Enneagram of Frustration and Disillusionment

Please excuse the provocative title, but it's intended for those who have had this experience.

Recently, a fellow Enneagram enthusiast and I had a conversation that took me back to a defining moment in my Enneagram journey—a time when I considered letting it all go.

My new friend shared his frustration with how often the Enneagram is used for superficial labeling rather than as a tool for deeper growth. He gave an example, one that I've seen play out many times over. 

Consider this familiar scene—

After a day of profound Enneagram teachings at a workshop, where minds and hearts were opened, participants gathered for dinner. The conversation, initially rich with insights, soon shifts into stereotyping, like labeling a partner as "such a typical 1” spoken with that strange blend of affection and belittlement. It's a scenario I've encountered and participated in countless times—a disheartening shift from the workshop's depth to the ease of stereotyping and oversimplification at dinner. 

This tendency to oversimplify and pigeonhole reflects a superficial engagement with the Enneagram, pointing to a deeper issue in its presentation and understanding.

Reflecting on Past Frustrations—

This conversation rekindled memories of my own past frustrations—a time when I felt the Enneagram was losing its essence. The practice of using the Enneagram primarily for categorizing people into types, instead of as a catalyst for deep personal growth, left me disenchanted. This surface-level engagement, though informative, diminishes the core potential of what it offers.

My Turning Point—

His reflections echoed a turning point in my journey with the Enneagram—a pivotal moment when I realized that the antidote to the “Enneagram of Frustration” lay in centering the essence of the types, an aspect largely overshadowed in mainstream teachings. Essence, often placed in the background as something abstract or intangible, was actually the element that initially captivated me about the Enneagram.

I understood then that the true power of the Enneagram wasn't in the personality types but in understanding and embracing the essence of these types.

My Roots with the Embodiment Tradition—

My mother's Embodiment Tradition provided me with a unique insight into inhabiting the energetics of the nine personality types. Yet, I realized that the fullest potential of this tradition was still untapped until it began to truly incorporate the embodiment of the essence of these types. It's in this deeper layer of understanding and integration where the Enneagram provides its most nourishing and transformative power.

Understanding Frustration—

My new friend's personal struggle resonated deeply with my own experiences, highlighting a common sentiment among many of us on this path. This led us to discuss a significant issue with the Enneagram—the frustration that eventually comes from superficial engagement.

Importantly, I perceive frustration as rooted in anger, which in turn has a healthy connection to the essence of power within our gut center. Thus, frustration is a gift, imbued with wisdom and energy from our gut, driving us towards positive change. 

The Enneagram can become a source of frustration when it steers us towards negative perceptions of ourselves or others. Take, for example, the statement, "My partner can be such a difficult Type 1." This perspective tends to cast a shadow over our use of the Enneagram, emphasizing contracted traits over essence. Now, contrast this with an uplifting approach that looks deeper than surface behaviors to the essence within. Imagine instead working to recognize that, "My partner embodies the essence of Type 1, shining with true integrity and reflecting universal perfection, intelligent design and intentionality."

Indeed, the negative and superficial stereotyping so prevalent in modern Enneagram teachings mirrors a part of our human nature, and it might even be an echo the consciousness of its originators. Let’s compare these two truths: the Enneagram of Personality includes the essence of the types, verses the Enneagram of Essence includes the personality traits of the types. When we prioritize a list of personality traits over essence, we set the stage for frustration and division. However, when we center our focus on essence and recognize personality traits as manifestations that emerge when we lose touch with this essence, we establish a model that nurtures respect and cultivates a nurtured self-image.

Tackling Disillusionment—

Secondly, there's the disillusionment that arises from rigid type identification. We succumb to an illusion when we cling to a neat Enneagram narrative, believing we've finally 'figured out' who we are. But humans are intricate—multifaceted and evolving, eventually finding layers of all nine types within us. Like a house with many rooms or a tapestry woven from diverse threads, we are a rich blend of the Enneagram's spectrum.

I've witnessed this first hand—

Many, including myself, my husband, and respected teachers, have encountered shifts in our primary Enneagram type as we delve deeper into our inner selves. It's crucial to comprehend that these shifts aren't transitions from one type to another but revelations of the multifaceted nature of our personalities.

During a recent typing session within our Enneagram community, I pointed out a particular type that I observed in a gracious guest. Her response was telling: "I discarded that type long ago when I realized I resonated more with this other type." This scenario exemplifies how the enneagram operates for most of us. Some become disillusioned with the Enneagram all together when they uncover more than one type within themselves, while others maintain faith in the model but pay the cost of doubting their own reality. Neither scenario is helpful. 

Here’s another example from our community—a friend who is in the process of "transitioning" from a type she had identified with for many years to a new type that resonates more strongly. She has openly discussed how this is both embarrassing and humbling. Any shame or embarrassment stemming from discovering multiple types within oneself, often referred to as "mistyping," serves as yet another illustration of how a model can take precedence over our direct experiences. Instead of letting our real-life, direct experiences inform and evolve an intellectual model, we sometimes let a model dictate how we should see and feel about ourselves.

Centering Essence and Embracing Wholeness—

The remedy for these challenges is found in placing our focus on essence. Essence transcends labels and eliminates derogatory usage. Let's contemplate the essence of a Type 5: pure clarity, wonder, curiosity, the wisdom of stillness, and the peace of silence. Using such descriptors in a negative manner becomes inconceivable. This shift in perspective empowers us to prioritize the beauty and strength inherent in each enneagram type over its challenges.

I founded the Enneagram of Essence to use it as a model for our wholeness. Within this journey, we explore and uncover all the Enneagram types, with a special focus on integrating their essence within. This empowers us to wholeheartedly embrace the complexity of our being, providing nourishment to the malnourished facets of our personality. We transcend the concept of being 'mistyped,' instead evolving towards a richer understanding that we inherently encompass facets of all Enneagram types

The Moral of This Story—

I'm grateful that instead of abandoning the Enneagram due to the misalignment with my direct experience, I summoned the courage (perhaps from my Type 6 ;) to contemplate evolving the Enneagram in a way that resonates with my own and countless others' direct experiences of embodying all the types and yearning for the nourishment of their essence.

By placing our focus on the Enneagram's essence, we transform superficial engagement and rigid typecasting into a journey of self-discovery, real empathy, and wholeness. This approach brings us to inner nourishment and allows us to appreciate the full spectrum of our intricate, beautiful selves.

Thank You!

I’m sending out my heartfelt thanks to my newfound friend who initiated this conversation. I've always maintained that I love to inspire and be inspired. This meeting sparked a multitude of insights within me. So if this resonates with you, I would love to talk with you about it too!