My Broken Heart Woke Me Up

I found myself at this group one evening sitting with a mix of people snuggled into couches, chairs, and floor cushions. I settled in and felt the aching in my heart I had been trying to avoid. I heard the word awakening and was activated, instantly. I knew deeply this was something very important and everything in life had been coming up short, until this. It's simple, I remembered - this is what life's all about.


As I began to untangle my attention and identification from thought, it was very useful to add in self-inquiry. I began to recognize that who I am is not limited to thought and also not limited to “someone” being present. Self inquiry uses thought, such as “who am I” as a stepping stone to penetrate beyond thought. When we inquire, “who am I,” honest vigilance can reveal there is no objective answer for this question. The thinking mind depends on objects and self-inquiry has the power to open the mind to a subjective reality beyond objects. 


Mindfulness has been a useful stepping stone in my awakening process. I had a practice of moving my attention away from thought and into "the present moment" - this is usually called being present or mindful. I adhered to this practice fiercely for almost a year and it seemed to produce profound results. I would shift my attention away from thought and onto any sensation or perception. This is objective meditation - it is objective because we use sensation and perception to place our attention on an object, mainly our physical body. I would do this practice constantly, not only when in sitting meditation.